Minimum Wage Love

I guess if you had no heart it would be hard to work in fast food for thirty years. I think about them every time I drive through for Taquitos at two in the morning. They always seem so rehearsed in everything they say, and I usually don't make too much small talk with them. I normally assume that if I annoy them that they will defecate on my food or kill me. I never ask them how they are doing, because I'm pretty sure things are pretty shitty, and that they might mistake a genuine inquiry for sarcasm. I feel bad, because I want to make their day better, but I don't really want to hang out with them. They smell fairly rank, and I'm fairly confident that we wouldn't have a whole lot in common.

One Christmas, I gave Judy, the lady who works at the Taco shop by my house, a copy of The Power of Positive Thinking by Norman Vincent Peale.

"Merry Christmas," I said. Judy stood motionless behind the register, staring at the book. I knew that the kindness I had shown was probably a little overwhelming for her, so I backed off a few steps, giving her a few minutes to take it all in. She finally looked up, directly locking eyes with me. I expected to see tears welling up slowly, but there were none.

"What do you want to eat," she said in an emotionless tone.

"a short stack," I replied.

"We don't have pancakes here," she exclaimed. "This is a Taco shop, you ask for pancakes every time you come in here and I always tell you we don't have them."

"Then I'll have two soft chicken tacos."

I couldn't figure out if she enjoyed the gift or not. I figured she did, but maybe the situation was a little awkward because she probably wasn't used to getting such nice things. I watched her standing behind the register from across the room. Her skin was leathery, and several of her teeth were black, but that only meant that she was someone who had lived hard, and truly sucked the marrow out of life. This was it, I thought. I was inspired, I was moved, and for the first time I found myself in love. I would become a working class hero like Judy, and together as husband and wife, we would take on the world. We would come together in holy matrimony, and show "the man" that he may be able to take away our health insurance, but he could never take away our love. As I approached the counter, I felt as if I was walking in slow motion; Bon Jovi songs played in my head and I felt like a white trash Romeo, who had finally found his Juliet. To Hell with my middle class upbringing! Enough was enough! I was working class now. Time to put the past behind, and step into the coveralls of the new me. I felt as if a brick had been lifted off of my chest, as if angels had flown into my soul and were having a picnic, as if I was free of all the material possessions that had only held me back for so many years. The world was mine. I had found my true love, and now we were going to walk the world together, with nothing but a dimly burning cigarette to light our way.

My palms were sweating like crazy, as I approached the counter. This was it, moment of truth. Just be honest and sincere and everything will turn out okay. I eased up to the register and placed my palms on the counter, I slowly leaned in as Judy eyeballed me a confused expression.

"I love you," I said.

"What?" She replied.

"You complete me," I said. I felt somewhat unoriginal, considering I had stolen that line from the movie Jerry Maguire, but it felt like a safe steal, because I had heard one time that poor people didn't like Tom Cruise movies.

"You're an idiot," she replied. "Fred, I'm taking my smoke break." She quickly pulled a cigarette out of a pack she had from behind the counter, and walked outside.